In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
