Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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