I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she peed on how many people?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come share oat with me in your robe
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
