Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
