I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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