my mouth tastes like poor choices
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
