Betty ford says i'm here all night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
