im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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