I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
