We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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