If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My feet surprised me
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