i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
