I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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