he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
