I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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