You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
