I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
