Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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