3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
