"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
