Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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