One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We named our party play list daddy issues
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
