i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
