I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
