you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
