The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
