.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
