Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
