I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
