Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
