Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
