Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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