Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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