I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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