i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
