I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
handjob tips. give me some.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
