we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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