tell your sister to shave her snatch
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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