Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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