Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
