I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
