two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
