Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
