I swear she didn't look like that last week.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
