My hand turned me down
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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