If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
