I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
