This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
