dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
