i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
