Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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